How To Compromise On Your Kitchen Design + Expert Tips

By: Andrew Saladino | 7 min

The day is finally here. You've been waiting to renovate your kitchen for so long and you couldn't be more excited to pick the cabinet design of your dreams. As you browse through the selection and gleefully point at a beautiful white shaker design, your partner grimaces and shakes their head in disbelief of your choice.

Disagreeing and arguing over kitchen design can easily ruin the remodeling experience, stretching out your timeline and your nerves. The less compatible your design tastes are, the more difficult and lengthy this process can be. After all, renovating your kitchen isn't exactly a cheap undertaking and you'll want to ensure that everyone living in your home enjoys this new space once it's complete.

If you're worried about making compromises on your new kitchen design or are looking for some general tips on how to compromise, we're here to help. We asked counselors and couple's therapists for their best tips on how to compromise so you can apply their advice and breeze through your home makeover!

What Does Compromise Mean?

A true compromise should leave all parties with a solution that they feel good about. When compromising on home design or decor, you're probably not always going to agree on everything. Sofie Parker is a wellness expert and mom of two who knows how difficult it can be to find a common ground: "Sometimes, [we] raise our hands in the air and say, 'Alright, do whatever you want.' This is not the solution. If anything, it will create a wall between you and your partner because there will be thoughts and feelings that are left unsaid. Resentment will grow and it may even be a cause for future arguments."

Instead of throwing in the towel and feeling unhappy with the outcome, opening the floor for an open discussion will create an environment where everyone's ideas and opinions are valid. While you may not get it your way, a successful compromise on home design allows you to create a space that everyone loves and one that doesn't hold any resentment.

How To Compromise

Compromising isn't easy but if you're approaching a disagreement properly, you'll find that it's a rewarding practice. Here are six steps you can take when you find yourself in an argument with someone and want to come to a solution that works for all parties.

Print out the worksheets below. They include helpful exercises that will guide you through the compromising process.

Step 1: Make Your Case + Listen

To find out what you're even compromising on, you need to give all parties a chance to state their case. If you've been dreaming about an induction stove but your spouse is set on gas stove tops, tell the other person why your option is your number one choice. Make sure to really listen to the other person, treat their ideas and opinions respectfully, and not interrupt each other.

Step 2: Ask Open-Ended Questions

Now that you know the other person's motive and grounds, ask open-ended questions to learn more about their thought process. Open-ended questions can't be answered with a simple 'yes' or 'no' and encourage both the person asking and the person answering to think about their reasoning.

Perhaps your spouse is worried about an open flame in the kitchen that could hurt the kids and believes that's why an induction cooktop is the safer option. Maybe you're really passionate about having that chef's kitchen feel which is why you're set on a gas stove. Learn each other's reasons to understand where the other is coming from.

Step 3: Determine Negotiables + Non-Negotiables

If you've come this far, you already have a solid ground for creating a kitchen that will make all parties happy. Use our worksheets or grab a piece of paper to write down your negotiables, things that you're willing to compromise on, and your non-negotiables, things that you absolutely must have or don't want to have in your kitchen. 

Because you've already stated your cases and discussed your reasons with your partner, this exercise should come a lot easier to you. You may end up finding more reasons why you're writing the induction stove top in the non-negotiable section or realize that the gas stove top isn't as important to you as you thought it was. Take your time with this exercise. If you need a couple of days to complete it, that's fine! This will ensure that you've given it enough thought and feel confident with your decisions.

Step 4: Find Common Ground

Share your lists with each other. Since all parties had some time to think about their negotiables and non-negotiables and you already know how the other party feels about each aspect, you may find that you're suddenly agreeing on more things than you did before.

If there are still some non-negotiables in your lists that you disagree on, move on to the next step.

Step 5: Come Up With New Ideas

Sometimes you have to toss out old ideas to make room for new ones. This is especially helpful when you're stuck on two very specific ideas.

Cheri Timko, relationship coach at Synergy Coaching encourages her clients to "identify ten alternate options. Once they have a good list, they can go through each idea to determine whether it is a good solution or not. At the end of this process, it is often easier to identify a solution that they can both live with."

While you may not find ten alternative options when it comes to kitchen design or appliances, try to come up with at least three to five alternative ideas together. This exercise will help you uncover new ideas, gain new perspectives, and hopefully result in a solution you can both agree on!

Step 6: Compromise Or Negotiate A Trade

At this stage, you've put a lot of thought and effort into designing your dream kitchen and coming to agreements that everyone feels good about. If there are still a few points on your lists that you disagree on and you couldn't find any alternative solutions, negotiate a trade!

Erica Cramer, Licensed Social Worker, MBA, at Cobb Psychotherapy in New York City knows from her own experience how difficult it can be to remodel a kitchen with your spouse: "We have determined that practicality is important to him and aesthetics are important to me." By working through their negotiables and non-negotiables, they were able to come to an agreement that both parties felt comfortable with.

"In an effort to consider both of our priorities, I decided on a design that we both like and we will both have different roles when it comes to the project. He will be more influential in practical items like what type of stove we get or the layout of his cooking space. I will be more focused on choosing materials, design elements, etc."

When it's difficult to come to a mutual understanding of what your kitchen should look like, negotiation is a great way to compromise.

Kitchen Remodel Compromises

Generally, there are three kitchen renovation aspects you'll have to find an agreement on: the functionality of the space, the budget and timeline you're accounting for, and the interior design style of the kitchen. Make sure to streamline these before you start ripping out your old cabinets to create as little friction as possible during the remodel.

Find tips and ideas on how to compromise on these topics below. Also check out our kitchen remodel ideas as inspiration and a resource for design options.

Functionality

Above all, your kitchen should be a functional space. While most people agree with this statement, it's possible that you and your partner define functionality differently. How your kitchen works for you can also change over the course of the time that you live in the house. When you have small kids at home and do a lot of meal prep to accommodate their needs, you may want to focus on larger appliances, flexible cooking and prepping areas, and an efficient layout.

If it's just you and your partner and you like to use the kitchen as an entertainment space, a large kitchen island that fits all your friends and family, a wine fridge, or a luxurious countertop may be more important to you.

Here are some open-ended questions you can discuss to figure out the functionality of your kitchen:

• How often do you cook or bake in the kitchen?
• Who cooks/bakes more often and why?
• How many people are usually in the kitchen at the same time?
• How often do you invite guests over? Would you like for them to hang out in the kitchen?

Budget And Timeline

Kitchen remodel costs can vary drastically. If you're just looking to change the aesthetic of the space, you may get away with spending $5,000 to $12,000 on a fresh coat of paint on your cabinets, a new backsplash, and upgraded hardware. However, if you're looking to completely redesign the space, you can expect anywhere from $12,000 to $25,000 or more depending on the size of your kitchen and the features that you're looking to add.

Deciding on a budget and timeline for a project that can take three to five months to complete is tricky. Sit down with your partner and discuss some of the following questions to get a better idea of what you're looking to get out of this project:

• Will investing in a kitchen remodel improve our lives?
• Will this product (e.g. new stovetop, dishwasher, etc.) help solve some of our common pet peeves?
• Will this upgrade make our house feel more like our home?
• What is the return on investment that we're expecting?
• When is the best time to take this project on and how will we live during construction (e.g. stay with family, order takeout, etc.)?

Aesthetic Appeal And Decor

This is a biggie and often the part that divides couples trying to make kitchen remodel decisions the most. Instead of tossing interior design terms like mid-century modern, farmhouse, or rustic back and forth, try to express how you want the space to feel. Do you crave a cozy and warm atmosphere, a clean and minimalist space, or are you looking for nostalgia? 

Oftentimes, it's easier to describe a feeling you desire and develop your own design style based on that rather than trying to fit into a box. By clearly describing the atmosphere you're trying to create, you can mix both of your personalities into one cohesive space. 

Remember to ask open-ended questions to spark new ideas and gain a different perspective. Licensed clinical social worker Helen Dempsey-Henofer uses an exercise where she asks clients to consider their personal values. "Imagine you have a couple and comfort is a value to each partner but what that specifically means to each person is different. To one it might mean including lush fabrics, to the other a lot of natural light. Here's an opportunity in kitchen design to create intimacy, by sharing what comfort means for each person, meeting on this shared value and compromising by combining their styles to build comfort into the space for each person."

Your kitchen remodel shouldn't be a fight that results in one person getting what they want and the other feeling left out. It's an opportunity to build a space that represents all parties and create a home that everyone loves.

If you're already working with all of these tips but still can't seem to come to a decision that makes everyone happy, consider hiring a designer -- interior designers love a challenge. With a consultation and a few mood boards, they may just be able to work out a compromise for you by creating a style that everyone loves.